Equilibrium of Nature

I am discovering that nature has a calming affect on me. The pain and longing of the breakup are still present, but the feelings aren’t as intense. The calm environment, and the exertion of the hike seem to allow for a little more balance to creep in. I wish she, or the version of her I have in my head, was here with me, but I am able to find some peace on my own.

It’s funny that I used to not like hiking, or any form of travel. I just wanted the stimulation of video games; I wanted the full blast of input. Now the opposite seems to not only be true, but a requirement. I need, and crave the drawn out experiences. Otherwise I end up in a state of mind where I am in a rush to feel better. This urgency just makes things worse.

Giving in to this sense of urgency only reaffirms that what is happening in the here and now is not ok. How you feel, whatever currently is, needs to change. When it doesn’t change, and it probably won’t because the world and your emotions act independently of your desires, you now feel defeated on top of original problem.

In reality, what you tend to feel is an admixture of emotions, pleasant and unpleasant. There will be moments of pure joy, and moments of pure despair, but equilibrium will always win out. You have to take the bad with the good.