Life and Games

My interests as a kid were pretty standard boy interests. I liked video games and sports. It was not the specifics of a single game or sport that hooked me, but rather the patterns that are fundamental to games. Every game, and every sport, is a system in which you can act, receive feedback, and improve upon. The draw was understanding the system, mastering it, and becoming creative within it.

I cannot ignore the social element that contributed to my enjoyment to these activities. Even though I played a lot of video games by myself, there was almost always a family member or friend that was playing the same game as me. This resulted in text messages and Xbox party chats where we would talk about our experiences playing the game. The social aspect of sports is obvious. It is important to recognize the role of these relationships in your satisfaction with activities. I mistakingly thought I could love video games to the same degree without the social element. In reality, the shared pursuit is what makes it special.

Games take aspects from life as a whole, and package them in a sandbox. Interaction with games mimic our interaction with life. They provide us rules that we can understand and learn within without becoming overwhelemed by uncertainty. The universe does not promise the same thing. It does however give us clues through observable patterns. These patterns are not always easy to see, as we become clouded with emotion and a desire for certainty. Religion and philosophies attempt to capture these patterns in a more comprehensible system.

I think that if we acknowledge that games are not superficial, but are actually quite capable teacheers, we can learn a lot about ourselves and our place in the world at large. Extrapolate your behavior in games to have a deeper understanding of how you show up in other aspects of life. When I play games, I want to strategize and organize the system perfectly. I want mastery, and I will rush to get there. I do not want to linger in the training grounds, I want to get to the good part, which is the middle of the story. In the middle, at the peak, you have the confidence in your abilities which enables you to be creative and enjoy the challenges. I feel the same way about relationships.

For me, the best part of relationships is not the excitement and potential of something new. The best part is when you have the foundation of trust and understanding. When both parties are bought in to that stable foundation, you can then become creative with the relationship dynamics. You become free to explore, grow, and challenge each other. What can be found here is so much more profound than the excitement felt at the beginning. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to rush through the beginning. My eye is on the bigger picture, not the fleeting rush of excitement. This does not present itself in the form of ’love bombing’, but rather anxiety and impatience. I want to spend as much time in the middle as possible. Depth over breadth, quality over quantity.

A relationship is a system, and a game is a system. The universe exposes the same patterns within all systems, across all domains. When I learn something in a video game, software engineering, or relationship, I can apply it to other areas of my life. Successful systems tend to have strong foundations. These foundations are built through consistency, where feedback can be received, direction can be adapted, and consistency can continue. The end result is what we see, and what we want, but you have to ask what foundation it was built upon. On a personal level, my biggest challenge is learning how to enjoy the building of the foundation, and accepting that it might be a failed project.